Never in denial. But incorporating it into my self image took some months. About six months for that.

I was in denial before I was officially diagnosed with it. I had some recurring symptoms and kinda knew what was causing them. Then my doctor suggested I take the test. I for sure knew then. But when I got the dreaded phone call to come in for results, I avoided it for days until my doctor just told me over the phone. Took some time to accept and drastically changed me as a person. But 20+ years later I can say is I'm thankful to still be here and healthy. But there's a part of me that still feels ashamed and like it ruined my life.

I wasn't expecting it. In fact I still don't know how I contracted the virus to this day. I was in denial for the longest time because I couldn't make logical sense of it. So, I denied its existence. Then again I found out that I was positive from a simple phone call giving me my results and that was it - that was the entire conversation. No, I wasn't given a follow up, wasn't directed to my local ASO, wasn't referred to an ID team, I was left to my own devices. I often wonder if I was given the proper mental health help and directed to my local ASO how differently my life would have turned out.

I was active in my addiction when learned I was poz. And I was not surprised. I put myself in risk throughout my addiction. It took me a while to care enough about myself to stop the party and play madness that I was going through. One day at a time is how I live now.

I was not in denial I was in complete disbelief that it had happened to me .

I did get over my disbelief thanks to my late husband who was my advocate to getting myself into care from the onset of the delivery of such drastic news .

I did think that my life would soon be over since back then the life span from diagnosis to death was 10 years .

Well that was 1989 and this is 2024 and I am still kicking :) !

I say that because even tho I had begun making plans for my departure husband would not let me make myself depressed over the aspect of dying and kept me from going off the deep end on more than one occasion where I actually tried to " die on MY terms " by committing suicide but he stopped me and gave me a stern lecture about how " we are in this together " so as each new med came along when I would have a checkup would ask about the newest thing and get the real details from my id PCP that I would then share with him so he could have an opinion in the matter .

He was my rock many a year and was always there to help me conquer side effects and his unwavering support to my getting to the goal of undectable because that was his " personal goal " for me so he could proudly say
I helped him get there .