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What Was Your First Thought?

A myHIVteam Member asked a question 💭
Geneva, IL

Whether you are recently diagnosed or a long-term Survivor, we always remember the first time we hear the words, "you are HIV positive"
Do you remember?

August 24, 2022
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A myHIVteam Member

When I went to my Dr to be tested for his. She told me she didn't think I had hiv but I felt horrible and had lost so much weight. I was pretty sure I had hiv. Well at my appointment when the results came back, my bf went with me to my appointment except he didn't go in. He waited in the car. MybDr came out and of course I was positive. I honestly believe I was her first hiv+ patient. She asked me about telling my partner and I said I couldn't tell him and she offered to go out to my car and get him so we could tell him together, so that's what we did. I was so scared. My cd 4 was 126 and I was told I had aids and the health department was called out and she told me I would most likely be dead in the next 10years. That was 2010

August 24, 2022
A myHIVteam Member

I found out from doing a blood test for a life insurance company. They denied me and woukd not tell me why. I had to them release the results to me and I receieced them on a Friday at lunchtime. I read the results and I was in shock. I had my husband read them and we were both angry. We both took an at home test that night and he was negative and I was positive.

I was not able to see my doctor until Monday. So I had to deal with the results all weekend. I could not eat anything. I was so worried that my husband would leave me. I even told him he could divorce me if he wanted. He chose to stay with me and still supports me today.

I still do not know who gave me the virus but I can pinpoint a time when I contracted it. I am still dealing with some internal stigmas but ultimately I am just trying to live my best life possible. I am only 1 yr and a half in my diagnosis.

August 30, 2022
A myHIVteam Member

I remember very well. I was in my garage smoking meth waiting for my boyfriend to come over. He arrived and was acting funny we were hanging out all day then he said he was going to use the restroom. Being I was high I started to think this foo is trying to ditch me. So I went through his back pack for a (clue) and found papers saying so you have just tested positive for hiv and I felt my life just shattered in that moment. Because of how Sexually active we were I knew that I was positive so I braced myself and made an appointment the next day at the health department. I remember as the guy confirmed my status I thought I can just walk out and smoke my life away. I've seen people do it b4 id just get so high nothing matter. I remember looking at the guy reading my status and said so im going to die then.
He looked at me and laughed and said im not dead it's been ten years for me. In that moment my perception of my situation changed and that guy saved my life with a few simple words. I decided I would live a quit my drug use and sobered up.

August 25, 2022
A myHIVteam Member

This information is supposed to be confidential HIPPA LAW back in the day 10/1994 i got called from the Dr office but i was taken into a private office with the Dr and he told me i was positive I cried with him and got my self out the door and into my car and cried all the way home this news is supposed to be private
HIPPA LAW NOW A DAYS
BLESSINGS TEAM FAMILY 😇

August 28, 2022 (edited)
A myHIVteam Member

I was extremally angry with both myself and the person who gave me my results. The older gentleman seemed like he told one too many people that day and was cold and almost judgmental. Your positive he said, how does that make you feel? What a stupid question, I thought at the time. Then came denial. It was only 6 months prior I had a negative test, this can't be. Then acceptance. I added the number of years I would live to my age and started planning to be dead at 37. Now on the other hand my partner at the time was singing the Les Miserables song "Bring him home" and now many years later the Les Miserables song "Empty Chairs at Empty tables" still makes me cry every time.

August 27, 2022

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