Still to this day my integrity depends on the day. I wish I could say that I do everything right. I am much better than when I was younger. I was never a bad person but I should of been a better person. Getting older in my mind I am paying for it. I leave you with this I pray even though I am not sure I believe that I be a better person tomorrow than I was today

Did anything inside of addiction or your struggle make you compromise your integrity? @A myHIVteam Member
Something inside of my struggle with HIV that made me lose my self-integrity. Yes, I struggled and also denied the fact of being diagnosed in 1985 yet continued to occasionally enjoy random Bj's by whoever wanted to blow me, it didn't matter to me what the person looked like, it just how it was, easy and quick. I lost my integrity by not stopping the random encounters knowing I had HIV. I learned to regain my integrity by stopping the random sex that was mostly prompted by my closest gay friend Isaac, when he died from AIDS. When Isaac died and then his partner a few weeks later, the reality struck me. I was numbed by the fact somebody close to me and his buddy died from what I was carrying. It wasn't until 1995 when I started art treatment, and I became undetectable. I learned that I couldn't infect anyone and wanted that special feeling again. I disclosed and was rejected many times, but this allowed me to regain my self-integrity. After a short while I met my late partner Timmy who was HIV+ and he loved doing what I liked, and we were together for 15+ years.

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A myHIVte...

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With drug addiction their were no thoughts of consequences or reality - a false sense of eacape that compromised my integrity - the longer I stay away from drugs rebuilds my integrity

Ok nola...