What about the other people? I mean... It's been 13 years. I hope you've protecting yourself and other people. ARVs help extend your life. But they also keep you from spreading the virus. People understand self-destructive behavior when you're going through something. It's something else if that behavior could be affecting other people. Are you disclosing your uncontrolled HIV? And now you're running from treatment from something else.

You do what’s best for you. And if your answer is to give up. Keep it to your self no offense. But this site is full of vulnerable and confused people and you can lead them to believe that. Maybe that’s the best way for them as well. When in reality life is always worth fighting for.
I’m so sorry that you hold yourself in such low regards and I pray that your soul finds peace.

I have alerted the moderators of this site of your decision to commit suicide using fentanyl. Please be advised that you're posting will be reviewed and you may be contacted. If you continue to feel this please call the suicide hotline immediately. We do not condone or accept suicide on this site as a means to deal with HIV. Please find the appropriate support group and good luck.
https://988lifeline.org/

You must get the Syphillis treated, as if left untreated it attacks the Heart Valves and Brain and causes madness and insanity and irreparable damage to the vital organs of the body

Seek a therapist!