I’ve thought about it Xavier but it just will take some time to adjust.

In the mean times in just nose to the grindstone.

My daughter and son in law want me to move up to Milwaukee with them. I’d love that I’ll be close to my grand babies, five of the 10 anyways.

But for now I’m just going to go visit for I don’t know maybe a month or 2.

Actually I have and they have been good giving me resources and tools to get through it. I guess I just thought as time went on the feelings would go away or lessen in intensity. In some ways they have as I really get them only for specific dates or objects. Most of the tools I use make the memories happier times and bring humor into the memory as our humor as partners got us through a lot. The minute I get caught off guard or it sneaks up on me or I forget a date because of living pressures, and I really spiral hard.
I think you are offering a great suggestion and I am going to start looking for one that my insurance will cover.. Thank you!!

@A myHIVteam Member there will always be times when things hit harder, it's normal. My mom passed away 32 years ago. Things are a lot easier to simpler to deal with now. There are some times, even after 32 years, something, somewhere, somehow, someway, some reason, that triggers something that brings me down hard. Then I had to rationalize what I had and what it meant to me. It's sad yes, but then I wouldn't be the strong person I am today because of it. So you will always have times when things will hit you a lot harder for whatever reason. It's not the love you miss, that will always be there, it's the connection. Even the connection is there, it's different now, it's not a physical connection, it's a spiritual connection. It's the physical connection to the things we miss that get us down. We just need to learn how to make that spiritual connection to make things easier.

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A myHIVte...

I never thought about survivors guilt. My baby and I loved each other to no end. We were 100% committed to each other. We use to talk about getting old together. We lasted 21 years almost to the date.

I gave him my best and I know he did the same. We loved, laugh and fought but we were still their for each other.

I know it was not my fault he died, in many ways a big part of me died with him.

I’d do my best to help him in every way I could and he did the same for me.

I miss him and wish he was still with me. I would not want him to feel guilty for losing me. I don’t regret anything we did together.

No one can ever take his place, he was unique.. I know there are other unique people out there. I guess it will just take tune to get use to not having him with me.

Time and unforeseen circumstances happened to everyone. It’s not our fault.