By the grace of God I have over three years clean from my drug of choice. Crystal Meth. I used practically ever day for over 40 years. With one small break during a 3 year prison term a couple attempts at getting clean 3 months one time and 18 months another. For the last 20 years I was an IV user. I do blame my addiction for my HIV because it caused me to also be a sex addict and to crave sex with men constantly. Anonymous raw sex was my favorite. I was married twice to women during this time and my very grateful I didn’t give HIV to them. I don’t consider myself gay or even bi when I’m not under the influence. I currently have a girlfriend and we have a healthy sex life using condemns and she knows everything about my past. I had no more desire to be with men at all since I quit using and can honestly say I’ve never been with a man unless I was hi. I do not judge the gay lifestyle and I believe I have great compassion for all people.
Just for today!!!

Hi , I used to say hi my name is April and I'm a recovering addict but now I'm Child of GOD and my clean date is coming up May 22, 2005

Oh, yeah. It did. But I've been clean and sober for 6 yrs, thankfully. I don't dwell on it and move forward as best as I can.

Early on in my life I used pornography and sex alone or with others as my gateway dependence. I did it because I wasn't sure who I was but I knew I enjoyed watched straight porn. Then it went to sex toys and poppers. Then at 34 years old I got involved in meth and entered sex with thousands of men in sex houses, drug dealers houses, the woods or the back of a car.

I was a habitual cheater and confessed the reason to all of my gay boyfriends. They were receptive, forgiving, and just wanted me to live a good life. It touched my heart.

At the age of 48 years old, I asked God why I have led a destructive journey. He said because I made you transgender and this is the reason for your mistakes. Since I moved to the west coast (L.A.) and was already going to the L.A. L.G.B.T. Center, I went in to start my new authentic life. Things have not always gone smoothly with my transition but I'm going to do the best I can. The changes I have experienced have helped me evolve. I have nothing to hide and I'm hopeful that some day a man will come in my life and accept me.

I think there is a link of gay men and hiv. I use to think it was every gay man but I was (VERY WRONG). I use to be a part of the online PNP Group who experimented doing injections. I am so glad I turned it all around because drugs aged me, tore my self esteem and body down, but due to my coming out, I have an opportunity to turn it around and hopefully make a good friend, a good family member, a good person in the community.

Cynthia.

I’m currently dealing with it now. Depression , low self esteem , and family history are definitely factors to why I’m always seeking to numb the pain. But I know I can’t go on like this because if I do , it isn’t the HIV that’s going to take me out.