I've been through sum shit but always have known tomorrow is another day. My grandmother told me that suicide is a sin and scared the shit out of me. So no never has this been an issue for me.

Never! Not in the least! I did as instructed; continued to work and play; looked good, and knew I was up to the challenge. . . . however, about 9 years later it was depression that floored me and I thought about suicide everyday. I still believe that a mental affliction is worse than a physical illness.

I read this with much sadness, so many stories to tell, some that some of us can relate to, but also see the courage shown by people, and what the love of family and friends can do. As a typical Brit I don’t share my story, but I have my fair share of negative thoughts and have done for most of my life. Many will know that I like to hug, and send each and every one a hug, the good thing is we are all here to write our thoughts and stories, we all have purpose and we can all share and empathise. As @A myHIVteam Member said, here is a chance to share something that is very profound, without judgement - thank you for posting. I wish everyone happy thoughts, it’s a privilege to read your stories.

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A myHIVte...

Was drunk and high most of it so..really wasn't present.. and now...I have too much to live for...but who's to say what would happen if I was to get really sick and things changed...
But I do have a strong faith ...so ..a day at a time!

I I played with the idea for many years when I was a teenager. I now can see that I was fantasizing with it because I wanted attention, and sometimes even a way to punish my family for what I perceived to be wrongdoings against me.
In my late teens and early twenties, I had to deal with depression. There were a lot of issues. I felt a lot of pressure both from my family and my peers to have a girlfriend and sex. I had a very low self-steam and ended up trying by cutting my wrist when I was 24. Fortunately I couldn't and a friend helped me to get into a psychological therapy. The best investment of my life!
Later in life I understood I did not want to die, but I wanted the emotional pain, the suffering to stop. It was the pain of the lack of self-acceptance and my own auto-rejection coming from not accepting that I was gay (conservative, evangelical family, only male child, you know the picture.)
I worked on my psychological side for many years (and I still do). Later I was able to work on my spirituality. When HIV came to my life I had a lot of tools to deal with it, so I did not get to think about suicide then. I was able to use those tools to work my internalized HIVPhobia. I had learned in church that "everything that happens to you happens for you". If I really believed that, then this was no different. I do think it was a blessing wrapped in a very strange package, but a blessing in many ways nevertheless.
The funny thing is that I did think about suicide again last year when I was going through a very rough time in my relationship and I was considering ending it. I noticed that feeling of "not wanting to die but wanting to stop the pain again". I went back to my toolbox and was able to find better ways to handle the situation.
Today I am glad I wasn't able to commit suicide. Yes, I have faced a lot of pain (emotional), but I would have missed so many wonderful moments that still had to come in my life.