Be proud and continue to live strong....

Really? I served on the Ryan White Peer-review team for the East coast for 2 years & it was our job to insure that things like you just said, didn't happen, and I assure you we did our job, but that was back in the late 80's. I truly hope things haven't really gotten as bad as you say. If so, then it's a set-back not just for people of color but for us ALL!
Kevin

Absolutely. It sounds like the same feelings that drove me into Psychoanalysis in the late 80s. I still live with Survivor Guilt Syndrome-or as I call it "Why Me" syndrome. However my analyst equipped me with the tools I needed to deal with it.

I felt so bad when my lover passed on Nov. 3 of 1995 and I wasn't even sick. He was just 29 and we had only been together for 3 years. I know he was bad for me because he shot up meth and I did it with him but that doesn't keep you from loving someone. He had 2 daughters from a wife, and I had a boy and girl from my wife. I helped his daughters out a lot after he died, but my wife did not want me to see my kids at all so I gave her the rights, but they got disability from my check. I felt guilty because he died 1 month before the new drug Indinivir came out, and even told me that as soon as he died they would come up with a cure. It wasn't a cure but kept everyone from dying everywhere. He suffered so much with pneumonia and couldn't even breath in the end. I had to leave the hospital because his family would not allow me there in the very end. They even threatened me not to go to his funeral and I didn't. He gave me this, but they blamed me. I don't care what they did 27 years ago, but do miss him so much. I don't even have a picture of him. I'm afraid I have forgotten what he looked like. I can remember his laugh and ways though. Life hasn't been about much since.

Ok, but what does any of what your talking about have to do with my question about survival guilt?
Kevin