There are 27 bones in the human hand 28 if you’re lonely in 29 if you’re not

Three ducks were removed from the pond and issued a summons to appear in court.
Judge " first case. Please stand and state your name".
Duck "My name is Duck.
Judge "Why were you removed from the pond, Duck?"
Duck "For blowing bubbles ".
Judge "Well you're banished from the pond for one month. Next case. Stand and state your name ".
Duck Duck "My name is Duck Duck".
Judge (rolling his eyes) "Tell me Duck Duck why you were removed from the pond".
Duck Duck "For blowing bubbles, your honor ".
Judge "Well, you too are banished from the pond for one month. Next case". Seeing another Duck approach, he said "Let me guess. Your name is Duck Duck Duck".
Reply "No your honor. My name is Bubbles".

I probably should talk to a mental health professional about my sense of humor. I like dark, crude, irreverent humor. If it’s funny to me, others would be offended. 😈

When reading this you should add a southern drawl to the voices!

There were a few southern belles bragging at a party about gifts from their husbands for a first wedding anniversary. The first Belle announced well my husband gave me this 6 karet diamond ring. The second Belle said “oh my that’s beautiful”, the third Belle said, “flawless”! The Fourth Belle said,
“H o w N i c e!”
The second Belle spoke up, “well my husband gave me a brand new wardrobe just like the pretty dress I’m wearing!” The first Belle said, “that’s beautiful”, the third Belle said, “ that’s marvelous”, the fourth Belle said,
“H o w N i c e!”
The third Belle then said, “my husband gave me a brand new red Cadillac convertible setting in the driveway!” The first Belle said, “it’s so shiny,” the second Belle said, “and it has leather interior,” the fourth Belle said,
“H o w N i c e!”
Then the fourth Belle says, “ my husband spent $10,000.00 to send me to finishing school, where I learned how to be a proper southern Belle, and to say, “How Nice,” “instead of,
FUCK YOU!”